Interesting Interviews
by Janxspirit
Summary: The POTO cast has been taken for interrogation!
1. Chapter 1

Interesting Interviews

A rip-off of POTO

By: Janx Spirit

Interview #1

How they ended up here

"Bella?" Donna called out. Strange. Usually her friend was very prompt when it came to time.

Two white hands shot out of nowhere and wrapped themselves around her mouth,"BOO!"

Donna tried to yell, but the hands muffled the sound. Then she heard...laughter?

"BELLA!" Donna cried out, except it came out more as "beh-ll-oo-ww!" because of the two hands covering her mouth.

"Gotcha!" Bella exclaimed, removing her hands from her friends mouth,"Anyway...ready to go?" Donna looked puzzled. Bella sighed,"Don't tell me that Maria forgot to tell you!" Donna still looked puzzled. "We're going to go take the cast of POTO for hostage, and interview them with rapid, random, and confusing questions that will turn their brains(if they have any)into mush!"

"Oh." Donna said,"Cool."

Bella clapped her hands and said,"Clap on," and soon, they were on the stage of the Grand Opera House.

"Now what?" Donna asked.

"Be patient, we have to split up, you go get Christine, Raoul, Firmin, Andre, Carlotta, Meg, Mm Giry, and everybody in the chorus, and I'll go get Erik," Bella answered.

"Why do I have to get, like, 100 people, and you only have to get one?" Donna questioned, angrily.

"Um...because..."Bella pondered for a moment,"Because...because I'm taller!"

"That doesn't seem fair!" Donna placed her hands on her hips and yelled.

"What's not fair? The fact that you have to get 100 people, or the fact that you're shorter than me?" Bella asked. Donna started to say something, but Bella was outta' there before you could say 'HOLY GAGAHANDERSFERMIKEROPIL!'

Down in the phantom's lair...

"Hello?" Bella asked, enjoying the echo's that were coming back at her.

"Who's there?" A voice rang out. Bella noticed the voice immediately. Her beautiful, marvelous, handsome GERARD BUTLER. I mean...poor, pitiful, genius Erik D' Anton.

Bella started to munch on a snickers bar as she neared Erik, "Hi, I'm Bella Butler..I mean...Bella SIGH Harper. Me, and my two friends, who I hate, are taking the cast of POTO to our evil castle against their will, and will ask you and the rest of them crazy questions that make no sense, so, come."

"What?" Erik made a face,"You fool. How dare you venture into my lair, without consent, and try to take hold of me against MY will!"

Bella started to eat some popcorn.

"Don't you give me that innocent look," And saying this last thing, Erik started to sing,"_How dare you come into my lair, without consent!"_

Bella finished the popcorn, and reached for some gummi bears that were lying on the floor.

Erik went on,"_And try to take MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE against my will! Do you really think I'm that SSSSSTTTTTUUUUUPPPPPIIIIIIDDDDD!"_

Bella nodded her head, and finished off the gummi bears. She then reached for some ants that were crawling around on the floor, and dipped them into chocolate. Where she got the chocolate? You definately don't want to know, and to tell you the truth, I really wish I didn't know.

Erik opened his mouth really wide,"_Because don't you think you'll get away! Because now, there is HELL to PPPPPPAAAAAAAYYYYYYY!"_

Bella wiped her hands on the sides of her red skirt,"I didn't catch that last word. Did you say 'Pay'? or 'Pee'?"

"I'm sorry, I didn't catch your name. Was it 'Bella'? or 'Crazy'?" Erik asked.

"It's Bella, but some of my 'friends' call me 'Cruella," Bella answered, completely not understanding the sarcastic tone in Erik's voice.

"Ugh. You're such an idiot, that I feel completely safe with you, let's go see your other moronic friends," And with that, Bella had won the waging battle against Erik.

Bella, Donna, and everyone else met on the stage. Bella clapped her hands,"CLAP OFF!"

Suddenly they were all transported to a different set. Flashing lights, an audience, a neon light that said 'Interesing Interviews.' The cast of POTO were seated into big comfy armchairs. The armchairs were red, the wall was red, the wood of the stage was red, the girls(Bella, Donna, and Maria)uniforms were red, and even the audience were all dressed up(or down, depends what type of person you're talking about)were dressed in red.

"Wuss ees goeeng awn?" Carlotta asked in her Italian accent(very Italian accent.)

"Shut up you pompous moron," Bella hissed angrily at her. Then she turned around and smiled,"Hello everybody, and welcome to...'INTERESTING INTERVIEWS'!"

The audience went wild, they started to throw chairs around, and, punching their fists into the air, cried out,"BELLA! DONNA! MARIA! BELLA! DONNA! MARIA!"

What a bunch of cows.

"Okay! Okay!" Maria jumped on the stage, and exclaimed in her happy, preppy, super-blonde voice(the fact that she's actually a blonde doesn't help the fact)"Today, my friends here went back to 1870 and took the cast of POTO for hostage! So now, we will be interviewing them!"

The crowd cheered.

"But first..."A voice from behind the red curtain said,"It's time for..."Donna jumped out from behind in a red jumpsuit, complete with a red cape,"My really important question!" She dove to her knees right before Raoul,"FOPMAN!"

The cast became a bit unnerved. Even Erik was a bit scared.

"Fop...man...?"Raoul asked,"And please answer me quickly. You're scaring me, and I feel as though I'm about to shit bricks soon."

"Don't you know what FOP stands for?" Donna seemed a little bit disappointed.

"Even I don't know what FOP means! And what the Hell are you doing!" Bella yelled angrily.

"FOP stands for FASHION OBSESSED PRICK!" Donna screamed, tears rolling down her eyes in disgust at the thought of her F-O-P being a F-R-A-U-D.

"Whoa, you just got served." Bella said.

Raoul turned red.

Christine smiled.

And Erik started to crack up.

"Okay, um...we're running out of time, so let's get atleast a few questions done before we wrap up for today!" Maria said over the happy chatter. "Bella, Donna! Assemble!" Maria yelped in delight.

"Are you out of your mind?" Donna(back in her uniform)questioned."Really, what is this, the 'Powerpuff Girls'?"

"Dudettes! Just ask a couple of questions!" Maria screamed. Everything was quiet. Not a mouse stirred. Not even the raving audience.

"Okay!" Bella spun around,"Christine!"

Christine picked up her head, she hadn't expected to be first,"Yes?"

"Why would you ever pick Monsiuer Fop over Erik?" Bella asked straight into the microphone.

The audience went silent. All of them were Erik/Christine shippers, and to hear it straight from the source was absolutely amazing.

"Well..." Christine started, looking around her. Raoul was looking straight at her. The cast(which were also sort of Erik/Christine shippers, as all the females loved Raoul's beautiful face...throws her fruit loops into bucket...)were looking at her, but mostly, Erik. Who was looking extremely intently at her, waiting for the answer. Wanting the answer. He needed to know the exact reason. He just needed to know. "Well...who says I picked either one of them?"

It was dead silent. Everyone was in amazement.

"Please elaborate for us," Donna said, breaking the silence.

"Well...that...is..."Christine thought,"Raoul and I are infatuated, but if you didn't notice, I never said 'I love you' to either one of them. You see I like Raoul very much, hey, we're engaged, but I just want everyone to know the truth, and that is...!" Christine got up and ran off to the side.

Maria turned to Bella and grimaced. Bella only shrugged.

BASHOOM!

Christine came running from the side straight past them, and jumped onto the armchair. She started to jump up and down crazily. Much like a certain scientology alien freak-o they all knew much TOO well...

"I OWN ERIK!" Christine yelled,"YES! IT'S TRUE! I PAID $50 MONOPOLY DOLLARS FOR HIM WHILE PLAYING WITH THE TWO DRUNK GUYS IN THE OPERA!" Then she sat down,"Whoo. Thank goodness I got THAT off my chest!"

"And I thought you were the normal one," Said Donna.

"U owwn heem? Haoww ees taat poseebell?" Asked Carlotta.

"But I paid." Christine answered.

"Ang u waunt too owwn heem? Whie?"

"Because I love him." Christine beamed happily.

"WHAT! WHAT! YOU LOVE HIM! WHAT! THAT'S IT! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO SING EVER AGAIN!" Raoul got up and started screaming at the top of his lungs.

"Oh, shut up you Fop. I'll sing whenever I please to do so, and besides, I love you too." Christine seethed.

"NO!" Monsieur Fop cried out indignantly,"You can't love two people! NOOOOOO!"

"Yes I can, as long as I love one more than the other." Christine told him.

"WHO DO YOU LOVE MORE!" Raoul asked. Well, actually, he screamed it more than asked.

"TEEHEEHEE!" Christine squealed.

"TEEHEEHEEHEEHEEHEEHEEHEEHEEHEEHEEHEEHEEHEEHEEHEEHEEHEEHEEHEEHEEHEEHEE!" The four crazy's laughed in union.

"Um...wow..." Erik took the microphone from Maria and went to the center of the stage. It was very obvious that he was smiling, no matter how much he was trying to hide it. "I guess that's it for today, but we'll be back tomorrow, so don't forget us that quickly."

A/N: I want you to review...now...so...GO MY ANGELS OF REVIEWING!

Disclaim.: I don't own POTO


	2. Chapter 2

Interesting Interviews

A POTO story

By:Janx Spirit

Interview #2

It's not over 'till the Phat lady sings

Maria had heard lots of yelling from Christine and Raoul's room last night. In the end, Raoul had left the room to go sleep on the stage. He was still asleep when Maria got there. She turned on the neon light. It blinked a couple of times and finally settled.

Raoul blinked, and got up,"What? Where am I?"

Maria made sure the microphone was working,"You're still at the set. You slept here on the stage, remember?"

"Oh...yeah..."Raoul made a face. A Fop face.

"You don't have to do the show today. You can go take a rest, or come later maybe," Maria told him, her bouncy blonde curls sweeping around her face.

"Maybe...only ten or fifteen minutes of course...good idea..." And with that spoken, Raoul stalked off to the Little Boy's room.

Maria looked after him as he left.

He reminded her of the blonde dude from 'Queer Eye for the Straight Guy.'

"Mary! Is everything set! The audience just ate one of the chorus girls!" Donna yelled from outside.

"Yeah!" Maria yelled back. Show time.

The audience poured in like a pack of crazy rats after their sewage ridden food.

"Hey! That line can be very offensive!" Sewage ridden-I mean! Poor, pitiful, genius Erik said to the narrator.

Too bad.

Anyway, as I was saying before I was so RUDELY INTERRUPTED! The audience sat in their red chairs, foaming at the mouths.

The cast of POTO were sat into the big comfy armchairs, Carlotta making sure she sat right between Erik and Christine.

"Welcome everybody!" Maria shouted,"Bella had...an...um...'accident' last night, so today she'll be coming a bit later..."

Flashback

"WELL I HATE YOU TOO, YOU UGLY MORON!"

That was it. You must understand though, it's hard to be in the room right next to a feuding engaged couple.

Bella wet herself.

Unflash

"So now we'll get more interviews done!" Maria suddenly remembered Donna was there,"...maybe..."

Donna raised her hand, she was sitting in Raoul's empty seat.

"What?" Maria turned to face her spunky red-head 'friend.'

"Can I ask a question?" Donna asked.

"Yes. You just did." Maria turned back to the awaiting audience and giggled her Valley Girl laugh. How annoying. "Let's go on, I'll ask the first question." Maria turned to the cast,"Carlotta!"

Carlotta turned her head,"Si?"

"Why are you such a jerk-off?" Maria asked.

"EH! JAERK-AWFF! HOO WHOOD SAA SUTCH A HOREEBELL THEENG! ME EES NUT A JAERK-AWF! ME EES PEERFEEKT, AHND I AWM ASTAWNEESD TAT U WOOD SAA SUTCH A THEENG!" Carlotta yelled loudly.

"Um...yeah...I didn't understand a word you just said," Maria told Carlotta honestly.

"Here." Donna handed Erik and Christine earplugs.

"It's a little late to give us these, don't you think?" Erik said coolly to Donna.

Donna thought about it for a moment,"Hm...no, not really." And she went to go sit back down.

"Hmph." Erik shoved the earplugs into his ears. And when I say shoved, I mean **_SHOVED_**.

"Uh, yeah, let's go on with the questions!" Maria did a little Ashlee Simpson jig on the stage. You know. The jig you do right after you:

a) Lie to the audience by telling them the reason you can't sing for crud is because you have Acid Reflux Disease, but the truth is that you truly can't sing for crud. Then when an audience member makes fun of you, you go crying to your daddy to make fun of the audience, but he only ends up making himself and you look more like a couple of jackasses.

b) You're a dumbass blonde that can't help but be stupid.

In Maria's case, it was both 'a' and 'b.' She handed the microphone to Donna,"You're turn."

"YAYY!" Donna jumped up from her chair and went to the middle of the stage,"Okay. Meg Giry." She spun around and pointed a finger at Meg, which just so happened to be her middle finger. "Do you plan to be a dog when you grow up?"

"Huh?" Meg's face dropped.

"Well. You see. During the Bal Masque, you wore a white dress + a wonder bra, which made you look like a 10 cent whore, or, to me, the other word for a female dog," Donna smiled.

Erik cracked up,"Thank goodness these earplugs don't work!"

The thing that happened next though was a very scientific one. So I will explain as best I can.

You see, Erik was laughing very hard. Harder than he ever had in his entire life. His mask was not made for that sort of happiness. So the happiness + pressure on the mask made it crack in half. Oh, and his wig fell off too, but that wasn't because of happiness + pressure on the wig, that was just because I wanted it to fall off.

The audience gasped, and held their breath.

"Yuck." One audience member spoke.

Now, the embarassment + pressure + force + audience + some other scientifical crap Erik goes mad.

And when Erik goes mad, it means he...starts to sing..."_How dare you laugh at me! You ugly thing! How dare you cry for me! Do not pity me! Because...THE PHANTOM OF THE OPERA WEARS A WIG TO HIDE HIS ALMOST BALD HEAD!" _

Now the next thing that happened was even stranger. And I know that SOME sort of science was in this one too, but I'm going to fail the Science Gepa, so why should I try explaining something as stupid as this?

"Poker! You won't get away with this!" Suddenly, a man in a pink leotard with a long latex hot pink cape flowing behind him jumped out of the back of the stage.

Erik stopped and looked at the man. And cracked up.

The man in the pink leotard jumped into a suped' up pink car. "Never fear! When Fopman's here!" He started the car, but it broke down. "Holy Happy Bunny! The Fop Mobile has broken down!" He pointed towards Meg,"Quick! Wonderbra! Use your bra of speeding elastics against The Poker!"

Everybody looked at Meg, knowing that she was ready to hit this 'Fopman' upside the head, but instead, she grinned.

"I don't know what you're talking about! I've never worn a wonderbra! But I'll go see if I can find her!" Meg ran off with a white latex tutu in her arms.

"Wait." Erik stopped laughing,"Are you for real?"

Woah. Erik just had a gangsta' moment.

Suddenly, a girl with blonde hair, wearing a white latex tutu, and a humungous wonderbra that showed a great deal popped out from behind the curtain,"Never fear! For I am Fopman's loyal sidekick...WONDERBRA!" She took an underwire bra out of her pocket,"Take this fiend!" She threw the bra at Erik. It hit him.

The crowd cheered.

"You've got to be kidding me." Erik looked at the oversized bra, and turned to Christine,"Are you seeing this?"

Christine looked away,"Oh no! Fopman! Wonderbra! The evil Poker is trying to get me to play...STRIP POKER!"

"What? Have you gone mad?" Erik squinted his eyes at her.

"Do you really have to ask?" Maria questioned.

Christine laughed hysterically.

"Guess not." Erik answered.

Fopman got out of the car,"Quick Wonderbra! Fix the car with your wonder of bra-ness, and I'll take care of The Poker!"

"Good idea!" Wonderbra ran over to the car(which was one foot away)and pulled a mechanical tool out of her Wonderbra. She started to work on the car.

Fopman giggled,"Oh! You make me laugh so much! The things you stuff your bra's with!" Then he looked seriously at Erik,"This is the end of the line Poker! Prepared to be whooped! By Fopman! And my poodles and oodles of justice!"

He did a moon walk backward. Then he did a cartwheel toward Erik. Finally, he catwalked toward the audience, and did a sexy whip of his head.

"That was so gay, there are no words to describe it." Erik thought of a song. And then it popped into his head! "_You are acting SO gay! There are no words to describe it! You are being SUCH an asswipe! There are no words to describe it! And if you do-another! Ca-artwheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeel! The PHAAAAntom of the opera will die! La-aughing!"_

"Whatever! Just admit that you've been," Fopman snapped his fingers,"Defeated!"

"You know what?" Erik started,"I'll admit I've been defeated...defeated by your gayocity!"

"Heeheehee!" Fopman jumped into the Fopmobile with Wonderbra,"The day is saved once again thanks to...Fopman and Wonderbra!" And with that they drove backstage.

"Wow. I wonder who they were?" Madame Giry asked.

"I don't know, but Fopman sure looks good in Spandex!" Donna proclaimed.

"I want a bra as big as Wonderbra's!" Maria exclaimed.

"And the way they handled the situation? How perfect!" Christine joined the chatter.

Erik stood, looking down upon them. And they called HIM inferior? "You're kidding me right? They were obviously-"

A huge..um...yes, a huge piece of tape covered Erik's mouth so that he would no longer sing...

The crowd cheered.

Then with a few crashes and tumbles, Fopman Raoul, and Wonderbra Meg came out on stage. They took their places on their seats.

"Raoul! Meg! You just missed it! Fopman and Wonderbra just came on stage and kicked The Poker's ass!" Christine yelled.

"Really?" Raoul asked.

"I wish I could've been there to see it!" Meg clapped the sides of her face.

Christine sighed,"Yeah. It was real fun, but...where were you two anyway?"

"MJHFDSBVJHSFDBVJHSDBVJCHSDB!" Erik screamed, but the...um...huge, notputonhismouthbecauseofthenarrator, tape covered the stupid and ironic cries that were escaping from his mouth. As in we didn't need to hear them, because they're not important. The cries, that is...uh...hehhehheh...yea...

"We were-um...ah! Well!" The two were verey nervous.

Meg got up and screamed very very loudly and very very blatantly,"**_WE WERE TAKING A DUMP!_**"

"Oh!" The audience and cast said together. Except for Erik, who looked infuriated.

"Oh! Erik!" Maria jogged over to him,"Here let me take that huge,totallyputtherebythenarratoronpurposesowedontfigureoutfopmanandwonderbrassecretidentity,piece of tape!" She grabbed one end,and-

RIP!

"**_AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!_**"

The neon light came crashing to the floor. The big comfy armchairs turned uncomfortable and crooked. The red uniforms of the girls turned white. Raoul turned into a poodle wearing pink Spandex. Meg's wonderbra disappeared. Christine's face cracked in two. Donna became pretty. The audience were blown backwards, and their hair fell off.

"OKAY! WHILE WE GET THIS MESS CLEANED UP, GO BUY A COUPLE OF WIG'S LIKE ERIK, AND WAIT FOR THE NEXT INSTALLMENT OF...INTERESTING INTERVIEW'S!" Maria was blown back and smashed into a pancake on the wall.

Bella walked in. "Hey guys! What did I miss?"

A/N: I know...I know...Now I'm gonna' get real angry people on me telling me to lay off Erik and his funny little wig...too bad! Because I am the authoress! And I control your mind, and right now I'm telling you to...REVIEW!

Disclaimer: I don't own POTO or Bella, Donnaand Maria


End file.
